Dating yourself gay
Just as 'out' gay men have a duty to protect themselves from others forcing their will upon them, men refusing to conform to the label should acknowledge their sacrifice. What does it mean to put a label on your sexuality, to assign a category to your own existence? And where does it come from? Does it result from your actions, or how you feel inside? But just as labels can reassure, they can also confine or confuse, or seem like a restriction to those terrified of being defined by it for ever.
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After I watched the date in question, I felt upset, frustrated, but also unsurprised. There are heartbreaking moments, like when both men confess to having been depressed because of repressing their sexuality for so long in their lives. Coming out as gay is often pictured as the ultimate act of queer defiance; but we cannot kid ourselves that it alone exempts us from the pressures of heteronormative society. Even as a public drag queen, I have had to come to terms with how deeply my gay shame is embedded.
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You don’t have to label yourself as gay or straight, but the reasons why matter
You so obviously cannot be gay , was her implication, because this is good sex. If you happened to engage in activity that ran counter to your sexual identity, then you had two options: The sexual categories were rigid.
Dating in the gay world is like buying a car. You can look at all of your options with several different features online. You can then go and try out the model before you commit to it or take it home to show your friends and family.
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